Friday, May 4, 2012

Of Go Carts, Bicycles, and Time Machines

By Allen Bacon, The Daily Bosco

I want to be able to time travel. Like for instance the other night when I got food poisoning. I want the ability to go back in time and go to another restaurant to eat. I know it would screw with the whole time-space continuum thing...but at least I wouldn't have got sick.

The other day I stopped by this indoor go cart track. I've passed this place everyday for the past five years and I'm not sure what made me do it but I went in, paid my money, put on the fire suit and helmet and took my place among the other nine kids (actually people my age who were acting like kids). This one guy in his fifties was even talking like a kid..."Dude, these cars go over 40 miles an's so rad!" Well maybe it was a combo of a kid from now and from the 80's...he had his jargon mixed up.

As I was hurling around the track and getting routinely bumped going somewhere in the high 30 mph range and low to the ground I was transported back in time when my brother Steve, friend Tim Murray and I would go out to the go cart track or Malibu Grand Prix. I would routinely get my ass kicked and always finish in the lower half there too. Malibu Grand Prix was almost like a formula one race. It was in the Angel Stadium parking lot not too far from this place I was at. Now there's a Hooters there in it's place. I guess Hooters is fun if you like Chicken Wings and ladies half your age with big breasts in tight tee shirts and hot pants but I much prefer racing formula one cars. As a side note...Tim Murray...Steve and I still have our Hot Wheels and we've maintained them in pristine condition. So my Limited edition Chrome Boss Hoss '68 Mustang can still beat your Fleetside with the solder in it to make it faster and I'm calling you out! Bring the track and we'll settle this like men, er, like boys.

Then a while ago...I'm not sure what made me do it...because I'm basically a walker as most of you know...but I got on my ten speed mountain bike and headed off to Huntington Beach down the Santa River Trail from my home in Fullerton. For the uninformed...that is a 45 mile round trip.

I had not done this for 30 years. As I was being passed routinely by men and women in skintight riding gear that looked like they were in the Olympic road racing competition (actually there were a few that this type of clothing should never be an option) I was transported back in time and started to think about my times on a bicycle.

I had problems with asthma and bronchitis when I was a kid. One time the asthma got so bad my brother Steve who was my roommate, got up and went into the living room where my parents were watching the Smothers Brothers or Mission Impossible...Which by the way is why I can write for television now. My parents would always send us to bed before Mission Impossible came on...but I could hear all the dialogue through the walls. I can tell you line for line what those guys were saying but I have never watched the show. I also have this overwhelming need to vote for Pat Paulsen this election year...but that's another story.

More to come....Later...Please Return Won't You? Thank You

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