By Malone The Wonder Dog
As Told To Allen Bacon
Editor
Bosco: The Blog
Editors Note: Malone, the five year old Toy Manchester terrier that rooms with me is also, as it turns out, a decent writer. He used to write for comedian Nadia Bacon’s blog. Nadia, being a part of the Writers Guild didn’t want to use a Non-union writer. I, on the other hand, don’t have any issues with a non-union writing dog contributing to this webzine. The only problem that I have is that it takes a long time for Malone to finish his column. He blames this on the fact that he does not have fingers and hands…only paws… making it hard to type. When Malone gets around to finishing columns he will deal with issues that help his pet/dog friends and owners. Write Malone at Boscotheblog@earthlink.net and he will try to answer your pet related questions.
By Malone the Wonder Dog
As Told To Allen Bacon
Editor
Bosco: The Blog
When a Beagle won the Westminster Kennel Show last week I was shocked to learn that this was the first time this breed had ever won Best of Show in the 105 year history of the event. That’s amazing and got me to thinking....I actually could win this thing too. Sure, a Toy Manchester Terrier has never won Best of Show either but some people think I am more handsome than a Beagle. The editor of this blog is supposed to post my photo here, so you can be the judge. Email me and let me know if I have the look.
But first of all, I have issues that I need to overcome even to be considered for the most prestigious dog show of them all. There’s that whole thing about biting and barking at people. I’m going to have to suck it up and refrain from biting and barking at the judges. I heard they actually frown on that sort of thing and I may lose points. I think I’m getting better at this. I haven’t bitten anybody for about two months now. I may also need to bathe properly. You see, I think I’m a cat and I just lick myself.
I think that they should have the dogs in the show compete against each other in things their respective breeds are good at and it would certainly make for better television too. Wouldn’t you like to see the Saint Bernards racing against other to get hot coco to their owners stuck in a faux avalanche? Or how about the Collies racing against each other to save Timmy from a well? They could have Labradors fetching Frisbees, balls, newspapers, sticks or other stuff that their owners want them to pick up and bring back to them.
In my case, my breed is good at chasing rodents. Oh, what drama that would be to release a rat on the floor of Madison Square Garden and have a bunch of Rat Terriers and Manchester Terriers go after it. First one to catch it wins. It would actually be cooler if they allowed us to utilize the whole arena. I could see all those well-dressed, prim and proper people scrambling to get away from the rat by jumping on top of the seats! It would be a laugh riot.
After I win Best of Show at the Westminster Kennel Show, my next goal is to run with a team in the Iditarod Dog Sled Race. Never mind that fact that my breed has a strong aversion to the cold. We were really bred in the Victorian era when we basically basked in the sun amongst the antique roses at the feet of refined and ladies sipping on their English tea. You should probably be some husky mix to compete in the Iditarod properly. But I know I can do this.
I have some experience in going long distances. My knuckle head human room mate likes to go on 10-15 mile walks with me at a time. I think I've built the stamina. As far as the cold is concerned, I'll just wear layers of thermal underwear and full-face stockings for my grill. I'm going to start training as soon as I stop typing this. But first I need to chase this cat that has wandered on to my property. Malone-Out
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